Faceless Self

Taking away my right to be me

Making me into something I'm not

A play toy of the world outside

To blind me from the path I want

People take your heart away

And smother down your soul

Trust will twist your mind in knots

But thats the First to go...

By: Brianna Lewis

Self-pity

self-pit⋅y

–noun
pity for oneself, esp. a self-indulgent attitude concerning one's own difficulties, hardships, etc.: We must resist yielding to self-pity and carry on as best we can.
Dictionary.com UnabridgedBased on the Random House Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2009

Self pity is one of the things I have been thinking about a lot of late, mostly because I have been indulging in it much too much. So with that thought in mind I thought I would do some reading. What is Self pity and way do we do it to ourselves?

Self-pity is the psychological state of mind of an individual in perceived adverse situations who has not accepted the situation and does not have the confidence nor ability to cope with it. It is characterized by a person's belief that he or she is the victim of events and is therefore deserving of condolence. Self-pity is generally regarded as a negative emotion in that it does not generally help deal with adverse situations. However, in a social context, it may result in either the offering of sympathy or advice. Self-pity may be considered normal, and in certain circumstances healthy, so long as it is transitory and leads to either acceptance or a determination to change the situation.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

In this statement I find many things that ring true, for me at any rate. Self pity can lead us to see that a situation we are in needs to be changed. Not by changing others as that is not possible but by accepting what is going on and making a clear decision as to how we are going to feel and how we are going to react to it. If you choose to do nothing and remain as you are than the reason for self pity is purely self indulgent. Having self pity and talking to people in that context is a social way of asking someone for help or in ask for their advice. Whether or not we choose to take that advice is up to us. But in not taking what is offered we have used up the “reason” for self pity and there for should not continue pressing self pity on to others.

Self-pity can be remarkably self-sustaining particularly in conjunction with depression or other conditions. For example: a child at school feels badly because they see others as more social or outgoing. If the child does not take action by attempting to get to know others despite potential negative consequences (such as rejection) then they may continue to feel alone, and their feelings of self-pity will be sustained. Self-pity is a way of paying attention to oneself, albeit negatively; it is a means self-soothing or self-nurturing ("I hurt so much").
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Sometimes I tell people who ask how I am doing that “I am not ok but it’s ok.” It is not a way for me to open the conversation with self pity so I can get a pat on the head and asked what they can do to help me. First in my opinion if you don’t really want to know how that person is doing, don’t ask. Second it is my way of saying I am not doing well but I know that and will be fixing is soon. It is ok to not be ok as long as you see that and try to fix the things that are not ok.

Social-Learning theorists purport that self-pity is a method for gaining attention, probably as a child, where an individual received attention, support, and nurturing while being sick or hurt. The child then grows up having learned to give attention to oneself (or ask for attention from others) while in real or dramatized distress to receive the same payoff. Thus, another form of self-sustainment can be sympathy offered by others: "oh, you poor thing." This is particularly true of individuals who exhibit sociopathic or psychopathic tendencies[citation needed] and rely on the sympathy offered by others as a means to manipulate.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

This I fear happens all too often. As children we might find that we are lacking some sort of emotional connection to the people in our lives. I have found this to be true with people from different social standing; the rich have the same feelings as the poor. Children do not see money as a thing to be grateful for; they have the ability to adapt too many things without knowing they are “missing” something or have more than others. Emotional connection however is something that we as a people strive for all through our lives. What we learn as children may define how we seek this connection as adults.
As children we learn how to manipulate adults. When sick we gain the attention of a healing hand and feel the concern of others directed our way. If as children this is the only times we seem to achieve these things we find ways to gain it back. When a child is feeling alone or depressed in essence “hurt” and they do not get the healing touch of another it is common for them to complain about physical sickness as a alternative since it has worked in the past. I have also seen a case where the adults emphasized the emotional hurt of children too much and instead of working on it to a point where the emotions were understood by the child and accepted they reinforced the use of those emotions by giving that child everything that was asked for healthy or not.
If the attitude of self pity being the best and fastest way to get what one wants is reinforced enough it will be the mind set when growing into an adult. However when confronted with people who have learned other ways to handle situations and do not yield to the self pity technique it can cause reactions like cycling farther into self pity and later depression or to strike out in anger.

The nature and depth of human pride are illuminated by comparing boasting with self-pity. Both are manifestations of pride. Boasting is the response of pride to success. Self-pity is the response of pride to suffering. Boasting says, “I deserve admiration because I have achieved so much.” Self-pity says, “I deserve admiration because I have sacrificed so much.” Boasting is the voice of pride in the heart of the strong. Self-pity is the voice of pride in the heart of the weak. Boasting sounds self-sufficient. Self-pity sounds self-sacrificing. The reason self-pity does not look like pride is that it appears to be needy. But the need arises from a wounded ego, and the desire of the self-pitying is not really for others to see them as helpless, but as heroes. The need self-pity feels does not come from a sense of unworthiness, but from a sense of unrecognized worthiness. It is the response of unapplauded pride.[1]
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I am not sure how I feel about this statement. I can understand the thought that self pity comes from the need for people to see us and the feeling that they don’t. Pride is one of those things that many people have mixed feelings on. I have been told by some that to take pride in what you do and achieve is one of the best feelings in the world. I have also been told that to indulge in pride in any way is a weakness and to some people “evil”.
My biggest problem with this statement is to say that boasting is the voice of a strong heart while self pity the voice of a weak heart. I have been around people who boast and boast and boast and if you do not agree and fawn over them they become upset or simply cast you aside for those who do. Both boasting and self pity are pit falls of pride. Both can be very health ways to express one’s self as long as it is not indulged into repetitiveness.