Zombie

As a corpse Decays alive with no soul

an expanding cloud of hate,

the remains of love floating away.

Love fuses to life as hate to death.

Emotion collapses in on itself

rapidly pinning pain to flesh.

Death blows apart love forever

a massive amount of emotion leaking...

Life

Cold and dim

a thin layer of hope

still hanging in the air

Shining tones of color

outbursts of light

burning a hole in reality

the pressure of life

overwhelming.

Some need support with love

the exclusion of love

Tormenting

the very principle overthrown

Limits crush hope

a wall of limits to high to climb

the number of screams

shrieking

engulfing life fully

Love to Insufficient.

all Systems eventually shut down...

Observing the corpse

all that was needed or wanted was a companion

all hate Accumulated

Life must fall

as hate exceeds Limitation

Triggering a chain of Pain

a supernova of emotion

Explodes with the intensity

of life and death

a spray of thoughts into space

Eventually Evaporating.

Brianna Lewis

1999

Age: 15

Pain

As the flame breaks in the fading mist of the night

the song of the pale horse tickled the air.

The very essence of pain enveloped

the sea is missed

as the last drop of hope is evaporated

in the heat of death.

The mortal body decaying slowly

with every thought repelled.

Pains devotion to life,

twisted,

as silence plowed in to the horror of eternity.

Puncturing its everlasting fondness with its beloved,

Clawing away from the passion of peace.

Detest cleared from the mind.

Caressing the violent repulsion

of a lost love.

Worshiping every stab of knowledge...

Wailing tells the story of torment,

as suffering sobs fill all space,

Screams drilling a hole in to the flesh and bone.

Eyes glaring from nowhere,

Whispering as enchantment into the star littered sky...

Rage will strike a battle cry.

Draped and caged in the fatal after life of hope.

Saneness lingering just out of range to clasp.

Joyless caresses taken with joyless smiles.

Cold fingers wrapped around a blade...

Murmurs fall silent

as a misty haze drifts and came to rest

in the empty room...

Sanity finally vanished from lack of love,

replaced by the suffering of eternal pain.

Brianna Lewis

2000

Age: 15

Heart of Stone

People Known are people Lost

Warm words fall on a cold heart

As the stone grows ever colder

Never Braking

Never Knowing

Never Forgiving

Falling into the blackness of the night

Screaming out a song of hatred

as it kills the child inside

as every helpful word falls in to a shallow grave

and is shoved under a blanket of lies and truths

looking in to the eyes of a child and seeing fear

Again feeds the heart of thorns,

of blackness

More betray and more are lost

Looking for the one to cut

Waiting for one person to say one wrong word,

One wrong emotion triggered

Life will weep and then die

as the stone grows ever colder.

Brianna Lewis

2000

Age: 15

Black Hole

As death blows off the outer layers of masks
and leaves you stripped
in the burning sensations of life
Love swelling
in hope
the the explosion my blow apart the shell
leaving no corpse
Irregular clumps laying on the ground
Misshapen
with cold liquid
streaming
from every craves
and wrinkle of skin
Screams
still hanging in the air
all life
Eventually consumed
in the black hole
of Despair
and
Hate.




Brianna Lewis
1999
Age: 15

Quills

The fault of man lies not in the perverse but in the Conviction of Purity.

thought...

Of all the things I've lost I miss my passion the most.

Random-ness

I have thought about writing something but have not thought that I had the thoughts to do so. I seem to think that you must only write when you have something that is earth shattering to share. That not being the case now I wish to speak my mind... as messed up as it is at the moment.

Life finds me at a loss. I seem to run into moments of my past more often then late. I have found friends that I thought were lost to me. Lost friends that I thought never to lose. Ran threw my life as if it may end in the next day but seems never to end. I fear so many things that I find myself standing still not wanting to move in case everything comes crashing down around me. Yet in staying still I limit myself to the reach of immobility. Which is no reach at all. I can stay here content with my lot or I can move to another spot and simply hope there will be ground for me to stand on. I wonder if I was smarter, could play life like chess. Planning my moves to better fit my life.... but then one must wait to see how the other will move... how the other will block and send all your well planned strategy falling apart. There is only so many times one can start over a maintain any sanity. Not to say that I had any to begin with. Not for a while at any rate.

There are moments, days when I think that life has the better of me. I think that everyone feels this way at one point or another. But to say that and still be able to see the world in such a way that promotes logic... Logic... my savior and my enemy. I would live my life threw logic but find that life has very little to do with it. We as sentient beings do not live with logic in mind. Not on a base level. We live threw our emotion. Threw our own views of the world or how the world should be. My world is not being kind to my logic, a state of being that I find very difficult dealing with. I can only hope that soon I will be able to come to terms with the part of my brain that must feel...

Energy

What is it about people that takes so much energy? I believe that people exchange energy with any contact that is made. Sometimes there are people you will meet and dislike from the start, other times you can be attracted to people without really knowing why. The energy exchange that takes place when people meet can tell you what kind of a person they are and what relationship you may have with them in the future. This is not always true as people are ever changing, but on a whole it can help you to see things that one would not normally notice. We all have or have had people in our lives that seem to drain us whenever we are around them. People who seem to take something without trying. This is an energy exchange and in this case you are the one feeding the other persons energy level.

This action can happen in many different ways. Some people will want from you sympathy, they will tell you their problems and worries and hope to get the correct response from you. The response is not just patting them on the back and telling them everything is going to be OK. There must be emotion behind the response, one must feel for the feeder a sympathy or pity and pass that too them for the exchange to happen. This can create a very bad cycle for both parties. The feeder who is getting the response that they are seeking will continue to find things in their life to tell the other person about in order to receive the energy. In some cases they will begin to create problems in their life so that the cycle can continue. They may not realize that they are allowing or even provoking unpleasant things to happen to them, but the more bad you look for in life the more bad things will find you. What you feed from will ultimately consume you.

Other people will be on the opposite side of the scale. They will try to control the life of another by intimidation. They take energy from others by pushing their dominance and seeing who will bow gracefully to it. Most of the time the energy that they are looking for is fear. There are of course varying levels of fear and depending on the feeder they will seek the level they are most comfortable with. The cases we know best are the ones that turn violent, but a person does not have to be violent to create fear in another. To manipulate the mind into believing things that are not true in order to maintain control is a very hard cycle to see and break. A feeder can convince someone that they are not capable of surviving in the world with out the protection of the feeder. If put into play early enough and long enough a feeder can deliberately keep the other person from learning necessary skills to function in society alone. This creates a surplus of fear for the feeder and can be turned in either direction for feeding. A person stuck in this cycle is both afraid of the feeder and the thought of escaping the feeder to take on the outside world. The feeder can not only feed on the fear that is held for them but they can threaten to leave the other person "to the wolves" and feed on the energy produce by the thought of the unknown. In most cases the deciding factor as to whether or not a person can break from this cycle on their own is if they are more afraid of the feeder or of the unknown outside. One thing that seems to happen without the feeder being aware is the dependence that they develop for the other person. They will depend on the other person to react as they always have and do what they always have that the thought of that person changing or leaving frightens them. What you feed from will ultimately be what consumes you.

The person giving the energy can be drained over time and no longer have the energy necessary to maintain a healthy life. In most cases people have an instinct that will prevent them from becoming overly drained. They become "fed up" with the feeder and will no longer allow them to feed off of emotions simply by not having them or by refusing contact with the feeder. Once the feeder finds that their source of energy is no longer supplying them they will try to find another person who can continue the cycle. Sometimes the feeder will be attached enough to the person that they will change their behavior in order to keep a relationship sound, but it takes work on both ends for the changes to take place and keep up. If neither party sees what is happening and the cycle continues for a very long period of time the chances of change become slim and usually turns into a miserable existence for both.

Together

Never will the Love be Clean

Never will the Hate be seen

Never will the time go by

Never will I learn to Die

Forever in my heart I keep

Forever in my Love so Deep

Forever in my Thoughts I bind

Forever in my world I find

I see myself inside the mirror

I see the ones I Hold so Dear

In happiness they spend the Day

In Death shall they find the way

And leave to Fate as I may

In the Darkness I do say

Find with me the Love beaten Path

And I will show you Pains sweet Rath

And though you wait the time Forever

You shall Always Find the two Together.

By: Brianna Lewis

Kiss

Death must lay her frosty kiss

Upon the mortal man

In Death doth come peace

To slay loves desperate hand

And in so doing eyes doth shut

And thy heart be forever cold

Thine body be still

And thy breath be gone

And thy love be eternally torn.

By: Brianna Lewis

Bubble

The Bubble forms so Round and True

with colors Dancing Red and Blue

Beauty dose it hold within

Finding light from my Sin

Floating to the world above

Carrying with it all I Love

With Darkness falling bleak and fast

Bringing with it the frightening past

Twisting thoughts into my mind

As I seek what I can not find

And try to remember what I Lost

Not knowing the pain it would cost

The Bubble now so dim and gray

floating to the ground it lay

Clinging onto hopes last breath

And crying now it waits for Death

Till finally in Shattered Dreams

I hear the last echoing screams

The Darkness I have finally found

And to it I am eternally bound

By: Brianna Lewis

Dream

Hush now my child

The world weeps Tonight

For the Innocents that fell

And unwaking, sleeps Tonight.

Rest now my child

The world waits in sarrow

As the night never fades

Dream of a tomarrow.

Remember me my child

Keep me in your Dreams

For silence falls again

And Death consumes all things.

Sleep now my child

Close those beautiful eyes

Dream for awhile

Don't watch as eternity Dies.

By: Brianna Lewis

Faceless Self

Taking away my right to be me

Making me into something I'm not

A play toy of the world outside

To blind me from the path I want

People take your heart away

And smother down your soul

Trust will twist your mind in knots

But thats the First to go...

By: Brianna Lewis

Self-pity

self-pit⋅y

–noun
pity for oneself, esp. a self-indulgent attitude concerning one's own difficulties, hardships, etc.: We must resist yielding to self-pity and carry on as best we can.
Dictionary.com UnabridgedBased on the Random House Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2009

Self pity is one of the things I have been thinking about a lot of late, mostly because I have been indulging in it much too much. So with that thought in mind I thought I would do some reading. What is Self pity and way do we do it to ourselves?

Self-pity is the psychological state of mind of an individual in perceived adverse situations who has not accepted the situation and does not have the confidence nor ability to cope with it. It is characterized by a person's belief that he or she is the victim of events and is therefore deserving of condolence. Self-pity is generally regarded as a negative emotion in that it does not generally help deal with adverse situations. However, in a social context, it may result in either the offering of sympathy or advice. Self-pity may be considered normal, and in certain circumstances healthy, so long as it is transitory and leads to either acceptance or a determination to change the situation.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

In this statement I find many things that ring true, for me at any rate. Self pity can lead us to see that a situation we are in needs to be changed. Not by changing others as that is not possible but by accepting what is going on and making a clear decision as to how we are going to feel and how we are going to react to it. If you choose to do nothing and remain as you are than the reason for self pity is purely self indulgent. Having self pity and talking to people in that context is a social way of asking someone for help or in ask for their advice. Whether or not we choose to take that advice is up to us. But in not taking what is offered we have used up the “reason” for self pity and there for should not continue pressing self pity on to others.

Self-pity can be remarkably self-sustaining particularly in conjunction with depression or other conditions. For example: a child at school feels badly because they see others as more social or outgoing. If the child does not take action by attempting to get to know others despite potential negative consequences (such as rejection) then they may continue to feel alone, and their feelings of self-pity will be sustained. Self-pity is a way of paying attention to oneself, albeit negatively; it is a means self-soothing or self-nurturing ("I hurt so much").
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Sometimes I tell people who ask how I am doing that “I am not ok but it’s ok.” It is not a way for me to open the conversation with self pity so I can get a pat on the head and asked what they can do to help me. First in my opinion if you don’t really want to know how that person is doing, don’t ask. Second it is my way of saying I am not doing well but I know that and will be fixing is soon. It is ok to not be ok as long as you see that and try to fix the things that are not ok.

Social-Learning theorists purport that self-pity is a method for gaining attention, probably as a child, where an individual received attention, support, and nurturing while being sick or hurt. The child then grows up having learned to give attention to oneself (or ask for attention from others) while in real or dramatized distress to receive the same payoff. Thus, another form of self-sustainment can be sympathy offered by others: "oh, you poor thing." This is particularly true of individuals who exhibit sociopathic or psychopathic tendencies[citation needed] and rely on the sympathy offered by others as a means to manipulate.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

This I fear happens all too often. As children we might find that we are lacking some sort of emotional connection to the people in our lives. I have found this to be true with people from different social standing; the rich have the same feelings as the poor. Children do not see money as a thing to be grateful for; they have the ability to adapt too many things without knowing they are “missing” something or have more than others. Emotional connection however is something that we as a people strive for all through our lives. What we learn as children may define how we seek this connection as adults.
As children we learn how to manipulate adults. When sick we gain the attention of a healing hand and feel the concern of others directed our way. If as children this is the only times we seem to achieve these things we find ways to gain it back. When a child is feeling alone or depressed in essence “hurt” and they do not get the healing touch of another it is common for them to complain about physical sickness as a alternative since it has worked in the past. I have also seen a case where the adults emphasized the emotional hurt of children too much and instead of working on it to a point where the emotions were understood by the child and accepted they reinforced the use of those emotions by giving that child everything that was asked for healthy or not.
If the attitude of self pity being the best and fastest way to get what one wants is reinforced enough it will be the mind set when growing into an adult. However when confronted with people who have learned other ways to handle situations and do not yield to the self pity technique it can cause reactions like cycling farther into self pity and later depression or to strike out in anger.

The nature and depth of human pride are illuminated by comparing boasting with self-pity. Both are manifestations of pride. Boasting is the response of pride to success. Self-pity is the response of pride to suffering. Boasting says, “I deserve admiration because I have achieved so much.” Self-pity says, “I deserve admiration because I have sacrificed so much.” Boasting is the voice of pride in the heart of the strong. Self-pity is the voice of pride in the heart of the weak. Boasting sounds self-sufficient. Self-pity sounds self-sacrificing. The reason self-pity does not look like pride is that it appears to be needy. But the need arises from a wounded ego, and the desire of the self-pitying is not really for others to see them as helpless, but as heroes. The need self-pity feels does not come from a sense of unworthiness, but from a sense of unrecognized worthiness. It is the response of unapplauded pride.[1]
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I am not sure how I feel about this statement. I can understand the thought that self pity comes from the need for people to see us and the feeling that they don’t. Pride is one of those things that many people have mixed feelings on. I have been told by some that to take pride in what you do and achieve is one of the best feelings in the world. I have also been told that to indulge in pride in any way is a weakness and to some people “evil”.
My biggest problem with this statement is to say that boasting is the voice of a strong heart while self pity the voice of a weak heart. I have been around people who boast and boast and boast and if you do not agree and fawn over them they become upset or simply cast you aside for those who do. Both boasting and self pity are pit falls of pride. Both can be very health ways to express one’s self as long as it is not indulged into repetitiveness.